Beech Tree News Network

WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO-It has kind of been a running punchline around our household that we are sort of a backwards lottery winner family. By that, I mean we seem to get way more than our share of catastrophe and bad luck. Things seem to take a wrong turn or turn out badly for us in proportion to odds that seem almost as astronomical as the odds of actually winning the lottery, only bent toward circumstances most people would like to avoid. A lot of illness seems to run in my family, a lot of it very serious illness, we have seen way more than our share of family taken before their time, many of them in the prime of their lives. When things breakdown, it almost never seems to be a simple fix but a complicated one, which we always seem unable to really financially manage in order to put things right. I myself thought that I may have sidestepped the family curse a bit, several years ago, finally finding employment with fair living wages and I was in my prime, with a beautiful young family running around my feet, when news of a chronic form of cancer came along, throwing a monkey wrench into the whole works and we have struggled to find hopes hand, in the dark, on many an occasion since then.

It also seems to strike in more mundane issues too, situations such as if there is only one person out of a hundred whom is overlooked, forgotten or their work or submission misplaced, then I can almost guarantee, it is going to be a member of my family. Even when we have put time, dedication, love and care, into a project or situation, fully expecting it to pay some dividends or at least some recognition, somehow it seems to flow around us and rarely ever does karma seem to smile upon us. I have often joked to my family that it must have been something done in a previous life (not saying that I do or do not believe in reincarnation, just leaving the door to possibility open) because although none of us are perfect, I generally consider myself a gentle and generous soul, (and the rest of my family isn't totally mean or selfish either) so you would think we might catch a break every now and then.

Over the last few weeks things were plodding along in much the same vein. Our primary family vehicle is really in need of an upgrade. We have had to get a few repairs done in fairly quick succession and though not really major, they were not minor either, so they put a crunch on us. Not long ago, once again, I got a call from my wife saying she was having problems with said vehicle and was even afraid to drive it home. I got it home and parked it and since things were still tight, we decided to wait on taking it to the shop. We were obliged to borrow a vehicle from one or the other of our children whenever we needed to get any where. Lately I have also been concerned with some things going on regarding my health. I have lymph nodes beginning to swell, which of course I know for a fact is related to my cancer. I also have some weird things going on with my eyes, which I suspect is also related. There has been an ongoing gritty mucous discharge and bright lights are a bit painful, it is even a bit difficult looking at the computer screen right now as I am writing this. I have not even confided much of this to my family, because I don't want to worry them but I fear it might be time to resume chemo in the not too distant future.

All these worries and concerns, along with some others I won't go into right now, were on my mind over the last few weeks and all of it was beginning to slowly grind me down. So, then this happens; after church last weekend our son took his car to visit with his girlfriend. We really couldn't say much, after all it was his car, even though his parents had been using it more than him lately. Now, he really is still an inexperienced driver and his mom really wanted him home before dark, because he would be traveling in a very rural part of our county with roads a bit less than ideal to say the least. I was his advocate and convinced her to let him stay a bit longer, a decision I would shortly regret. Not long after dark we got a call that he was leaving his girlfriend's home and would be home shortly, the conversation went something like “ I'm on my way home, you need anything”- “No, just be careful, love you”- “Love you too, bye” about ten minutes later, another call came in and the conversation went something like this- “mom, I have been in a wreck and it is bad; I'm trapped in the car”- “where are you at, call 911, we are on the way!” Thirty seconds later the rest of his family was headed down the road, nothing mattered except getting to him. In that moment, absolutely nothing and I mean nothing; not the damage to the car; not how we were possibly going to replace it, not how we were going to get around without a vehicle, NOTHING mattered! except if he was alright. It is the most frightening thing I have ever been through in my life, it literally reduced me to a hyperventilating raw mess, with my heart and gut twisted in a thousand knots. We found out, when we got to him, that a deer was at fault, causing him to lose control after hitting it. The deer apparently was not fatally hurt, as it ran away afterwards and thankfully our son too was able to walk away, after flipping his car several times, he was only slightly scratched and a little sore. I believe deeply in God and faith plays an important part in my life but I may sometimes neglect being thankful and grateful for the blessings in my life, this singular event brought that into sharp focus. It is the nightmare every parent fears and for many it does not turn out as well as our brush with catastrophe did.

When everything else falls away, when you boil it all down, there is absolutely only one thing that really matters in this world and that is our love for one another. All the other stuff is just extraneous, it is trivial, mundane, superfluous stuff, that we often let get us distracted from what really matters. That phrase “what it all boils down to,” derives it's meaning literally from what happens to fluids when we boil them. The fluid evaporates and reduces and ultimately, you are left with only what is essential to whatever dish you are cooking.

When we boil life down to what is really essential, we are left with only love. This is the only thing that matters. For those we know, love is what it means to truly live the life we are created for. For those we don't know, it is still love, shown in kindness that is essential. I don't care what part of life you are talking about, everything needs to revolve around love and kindness. If it is our children, love really is the essential ingredient, if it is other people's children, it still all boils down to love and kindness. I don't care if the issue is how you treat your neighbor next door, or your neighbor on the other side of the world . If it is the poor, the oppressed, the forgotten, or those that share your home and name; love is what it boils down to. If the issue is health care, or immigration, or how you treat someone working for you, or anything else, love and kindness is what it all boils down to. It is absolutely ALL that matters.