PHIL'S PHILOSOPHY BY; D.P. KINKADE CONTRIBUTIONS BY; TAYLOR & DRAKE KINKADE

Sat, 12/29/2018 - 5:33pm — Diane Dyer

FEEL SORRY-Over the last few months I have not written a whole lot of completely fresh material. A lot of the stuff I submitted for publication were recycled columns, I wrote in the months prior to the last few, some weeks I would get so distracted I would simply forget to submit anything at all. The reason for my behavior was quite simply- exhaustion. I was both physically and mentally, absolutely worn out. It has been a rough year for my family and me personally. My wife and I both lost our last remaining parent, our mothers in both cases. In the months prior to their passing quite a bit of time was spent in each case respectfully on taking care of them , I.E-doctors appointments, help with medical decisions, ect. With my mother in particular, the last few months were pretty rough, as her health quickly declined, it took its toll on all of us. In addition several more family members were lost this year including uncles and cousins, nieces and others and just weeks after I lost my mother, one of my oldest friends, the best man at my wedding, was lost to a brain bleed. During all this, I was dealing with some health issues of my own, leaving me literally weak “down to my bones” not sure if mono could have been a culprit, have fought it before and this felt similar, along with some flu-like symptoms and gout even kicked in for a little while, to give me an extra kick in the pants. It all added up to drain me, even of the strength to come up with new ideas and fresh perspectives, to share with readers of this column.

Now, I am not sharing all this in an effort to get sympathy from those of you whom are reading this. I do not want you to “feel sorry” for me. Now, I guess for a while I was guilty a few times of feeling sorry for myself, it is absolutely not a tranquil time when all your resources have been exhausted and leave you unable to do much of anything at all, so discouragement did grab a hold every now and again. When you are really unable to do the things in your life that most people take for granted though, it puts a fresh perspective own your outlook; you quit taking anything and I mean ANYTHING for granted. You realize each day is a gift and it may be the last spent with a loved one, so make them count. Other things come into perspective too. I am never going to be a trophy winning triathlete or even get a black belt in karate, “that ship has sailed,” as they say. I can still walk and dress myself though, a gift denied to some. I can still hug my children every day and tell them they are loved. These are gifts denied to many. I may never write award nominated songs or become Kentucky's poet laureate or even write a best selling book. But I can read, I can still absorb the thoughts of others and learn from common man and philosopher alike ; no small gift when you stop and think about it. Though I put it on hold for a bit, I found I still have the passion to play with words, to share my thoughts, to try and leave this world better than how I found it, by giving away pieces of my heart in the words I craft. This is a gift I hope stays with me throughout my life. All in all, I have no reason to feel sorry about the hand I was dealt in life.

Recently part of our family got together in order to celebrate the holiday together, a pleasant thing to do even though there were those who were not there to celebrate this year. For a little while the subject of whose home would be designated to be celebrated at for next years festivities came up. After listening for a while I offered the option of, “If I win the lottery, we can all celebrate at my new house next year. You see, there are a few restrictions including the size among a few other things which prevents us from hosting -get-togethers- at our home already. Our new home would of course have the space needed for entertaining but when it comes to our home, I would want it to provide more than just space. I recently posted on a social media platform of how I hoped my children would always feel at ease when they “came home.” comfortable enough that even when they are leading their own lives, they will grab a snack out of the fridge, plop down on the couch to watch t.v or take a nap comfortable enough to let all the anxiety of adulthood leave them because they are “home.” This is very true and especially hope my children always feel welcomed, comfortable and protected in our home but in a way I hope this extends to everyone inside our home. Don't ask , just grab that cold drink you want out of that old fashioned coke box cooler on the porch, take a nap in the window seat if you want, leave the troubles of the world behind you, while in my home.

A family member spoke up when I mentioned winning the lottery and offered the observation of, “ if you when the lottery I hope you feel sorry for your_ in -law and let me get a new house too!” I told her that I would not “feel sorry” for her and kind of left it at that so she might have been left with the impression that she was just out of luck and on her own if my circumstances should suddenly take a huge upturn. You see my motivation would not come from a place of “feeling sorry” for anybody. Sorry would not be my motivation for helping people. My motivation or rather, my inspiration, for helping people would be about bringing more joy into the world. I have written before about the difference between motivation and inspiration you can look those columns up if you are interested. The short definition and difference, is that one is extrinsic or external and the other is intrinsic or internal.

Today I want to talk about the difference between sympathy and empathy. You see sympathy is the realm where you will find sorry residing. It is about regret and sorrow the ability to understand that others are hurting. Empathy is the actual ability to place yourself in the situation someone else is in to imagine how their life could easily be your life if things had only turned just a bit differently. It is only in the domain of empathy that true compassion has a chance of changing peoples lives of changing the world. “feeling sorry” is not enough it is when we place ourselves “in their shoes” when we can not go back to just letting it be a side-note that only affects us peripherally . Their suffering becomes our suffering, their joy and triumph becomes ours also. Those running for their lives hoping to save their children from unspeakable violence, becomes our cause not our problem, those unable to seek medical aid because of finances, becomes our pain. Those missing loved ones gone forever is something we understand. Those celebrating childbirth dreaming of a future with hope for them becomes our hope.

Someone who has the ability to empathize is not a “snowflake,” instead they have actually been given a great gift. It is a gift not given to all but one that should be universally respected and admired.

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