Beech Tree News Network

100 Percent Effective: There are a lot of different traits and qualities that I am impressed by, bravery is one which immediately springs to mind also exceptional athletic prowess, especially speed or strength are skills I've long admired, intelligence is a quality I find very appealing, so much so that I will often intentionally seek it out, I once told a friend that one of the indicators I look at is the statement “I love to read,” it immediately lets me know that there probably will be several things I will find endearing about that person's character, on the flip side, the statement, “I don't really like to read,” sends up a red flag for me. There is creativity, wisdom, insight and many more qualities that are attractive to me but the number one trait, above everything else, hands down the most admired and impressive to me, is genuine; kindness.

Of all the things I have tried to instill in my children, much of which I'm sure they readily dismiss, one thing I have repeated often enough that I hope it sinks in deep and that is, to seek out kindness when looking for people to share life with. I have given them clues to watch for, to see if the person they are considering getting involved with truly has a kind soul. One of the very first tell-tale markers is how they treat animals. I have never, in my entire experience on this earth, discovered a person who had the capacity to be deeply compassionate toward their fellow human beings, whom are also deliberately cruel toward most animals (insects, and reptiles being an exception.) A gentle heart which finds joy at the antics of animals and grieves at their distress, will usually carry that over into other relationships.

Another situation to carefully observe is when dining out. Do they look the waiter or waitress in the eye when talking to them or act as though they are just a necessary intrusion, do they say please and thank you, are they generous with a tip? Do they act like an equal and inclusive, or instead like an elitist, this shows something about their nature. Watch how they are around family members, if they are dismissive or callous toward family that callousness will someday turn on you. Watch how they are around children, particularly younger siblings, are they patient or annoyed, do they find time to help with homework or throw around a ball with them, just for fun?

Since none of us are perfect there are going to be times when we get angry, watch closely how someone handles anger and you will glimpse the true colors of their soul. Do they lash out in retaliation , getting even at all costs or do the work at reconciliation? Do they involve others, doing their best to let others know just how horrible whoever offended them is, or do they quietly resolve things privately and mend fences, instead of building walls? Do they have a problem with ever saying “I'm sorry” or even admitting that their behavior could have hurt someone or are they smug in their self-righteous indignation? All these clues are not to be easily dismissed for as much as you might like to believe otherwise, sooner or later, in their eyes, you will be relegated to blase, detached and indifferent treatment.

Now, for all the praise and accolades I have been giving kindness, I am just like everybody else I can get angry, frustrated and annoyed too, sometimes at the most trivial of things especially whenever I have been under a great deal of stress or anxiety. Most of the time though, I try to follow kindness as a good guide to persue through life. There are situations though, which are absolutely guaranteed to light my fuse, with 100 percent effectiveness. If you ever and I do mean ever; talk down to me or respond to me in a condescending way, then it is on buddy, that is the one thing that will send me over the edge in an instant. A case in point happened, a while back now but I vividly recall it, a young lady tried to tell us that we were not eligible to receive something we had already paid for in advance. I remained relatively calm until she told us that her receipt said “effective” on such and such a date thus it was invalid on any other date. The problem was she said it in a tone as though it was obvious that, that was the only interpretation possible for literate people. OH, NO, she didn't; was my immediate thought process, trying to educate me, on the meaning of words, as though I am a child. My wife said I may have came off a little heavy and short in my response but I couldn't really help it, it was almost instinctual.

Sarcasm irks some like that, (not me as I lean a bit that way myself) others it's laziness, whatever the issue, nothing will be 100 percent effective in alleviating the problem but kindness and compassion will always be much more effective than elitism and indifference.