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Patty Craig: A Slice of Time

About a week ago, our church hosted a marriage conference. Twenty-seven couples attended. Many have since commented that it was a wonderful experience. Why would they give up most of their weekend to attend such an event? I believe they attended because they want to keep their marriages healthy.

Many have expressed opinions about marriage. Some of those thoughts include the following (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/marriage):

•A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. –Mignon McLaughlin

•Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day. –Barbara De Angelis

•A word of encouragement from a spouse can save a marriage. – John C. Maxwell

•A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short. –Andre Maurois

•A marriage doesn’t have to be perfect, but you can be perfect for each other. –Jessica Simpson

•Experts on romance say for a happy marriage there has to be more than a passionate love. For a lasting union, they insist, there must be a genuine liking for each other. Which, in my book, is a good definition for friendship. –Marilyn Monroe

•I’ve had an exciting time; I married for love and got a little money along with it. –Rose Kennedy

•Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without. –James Dobson

•I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. –Rita Rudner

•Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. –Benjamin Franklin

I wondered whether my friends and family would have advice about marriage. So, I asked them: “What advice would you give about how to grow a strong marriage?” Their responses were:

•Put God first, and communicate with each other.

•Communicate and compromise.

•Compromise and communication. Remember that you married for love.

•Love your spouse more than yourself. Realize we are who we are, for better or for worse. It is truly simple – love. The other person has to feel the same way about you – a perfect match. 

•Never, never leave your wingman.

•Trust and communication are key.

•You have to get really good at forgiveness; you have to learn how to forgive your partner and yourself. You have to ask for forgiveness sometimes and give it other times. Your pride isn’t worth heartache. Marriage is work. You both need to wake up with the mindset of “what can I do to make my spouse’s life easier/better today?” These, of course, follow the idea that you have a God-centered marriage, but I’m pretty sure someone has already said that. Also, let me add that two years in and I’m still figuring it out, and sometimes it’s really hard to take my own advice.

•Nice things best friends do that should build a better marriage: love, trust, share, communicate, care, help, laugh, smile, protect. The order changes as needed.

•Communication, communication, communication. Stay close. Have God in the center. Respect each other.

•Need God, love, shared interests, good communication, and someone to hold you up during the bad times.

•Teamwork! “I might not always agree with you, but I will always love you!”

•Communicate rather than expect your spouse to be a mind reader (they aren’t). Always consider their needs ahead of your own. And never ever belittle, degrade or complain about your spouse to other people. And put your marriage needs ahead of your children’s desires.

•I wish I had some great advice. I’d take it myself. I know a good relationship with God is the most important thing for both people to feel happy themselves. Focus on the things you like about your spouse, not the things that make you crazy. Remember, no one chooses their family, so be kind about the in-laws. Consider each other’s feelings and opinions. Everyone needs to feel important and heard. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t make empty promises to each other, and take your vows seriously. Have fun and make memories to get you through the rough times. Never forget why you fell in love.

•Give them your money.

•Forgive each other for the little things every day and move on.

•Compromising is a big part. But in the end, just do what your wife says. Things go a whole lot better.

I was married for 40 years. I think my late husband and I went into marriage with love, and God blessed our marriage. We had good times and bad; when things were bad, we both worked to make them better. My husband joked that if I ever left him, he would come with me. I am thankful to have had a good husband.

Do great marriages just happen? I would guess that they do just happen – but rarely. As Joanna Lumley said, “It’s so important to keep a marriage alive with small treats and doing little things for each other. Just remembering to say nice things and to have listening time is vital. That ghastly phrase ‘quality time’ means taking three minutes to sit down and be still with someone rather than yelling over your shoulder as you rush out” (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/marriage). Most marriages require the effort of both spouses. And remember, as one of my family members said, never leave your wingman

 
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