Beech Tree News Network

With Thanksgiving this week, we’re moving into the winter holiday season. Many people experience stress and/or depression during this time. Sometimes we don’t want to admit the stress we feel because the holidays are so anticipated; as both a song and a movie proclaim, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

Many sources of information are available to help us understand – and perhaps prevent – holiday stress and depression. An article on the Mayo Clinic website, “Stress, depression and the holidays: Tips for coping,” stated that the holiday season often results in stress and depression. Since the holidays include additional demands, preventing stress may require prior planning. The Cleveland Clinic website included the article “Managing Holiday Stress” (http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/healthy_living/hic_Stress_Managemen...). The article provided examples of a holiday stress-prevention list and a few of those examples are listed below:
•    Holiday shopping: Stick to your gift budget.
•    Planning family get-togethers: Buy prepared foods, instead of cooking everything from scratch.
•    Scheduling time with family and friends: Don't over-schedule yourself. Allow enough time to relax and recover after visiting with others.
•    Pausing before the holiday spread: Continue to exercise and watch your diet.
•    Managing your time: Rest when your body tells you to (http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/healthy_living/hic_Stress_Managemen...).
For many, the holiday season – beginning with Thanksgiving and going through New Year's – may generate a bout of the blues. Finding ways to avoid situations that have caused problems in the past may actually prevent stress and depression.

I asked friends and family what, if anything, has caused them holiday stress in the past. Their responses are listed below:
•    The loss of a loved one.
•    The thought of a holiday without a loved one is one of the most depressing things and makes me dread the process. But I understand why people love the holidays.
•    Money and school.
•    So much to do, and no time to do it; can’t do things like I used to do due to getting older and not feeling like it. Still want to do things as usual, but can’t seem to do them. Also, sadness over loved ones who’ve passed.
•    Too much money spent and sadness over lost loved ones.
•    When a loved one has passed away close to any holiday, it seems to increase your level of depression during that time – thinking about their favorite food, things they liked to do during that holiday season, and the list goes on.
•    I think there is always a point during the holidays that I get sad because there are some people that have passed away that I wish could be here. All holidays and special occasions are hard when you experience loss. The holidays are a time for celebrating with family and friends, so sometimes it stings that not all of your family is still with you.
•    For me it was my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my mom. She loved holidays and family gatherings! Now the holidays make me smile just remembering her, but the first one was a little depressing.
•    Sometimes post-holiday when all is done and I feel like it was a dud holiday – a big letdown after all the hustle and bustle beforehand.
•    I experience stress all throughout the holidays. My finals are a week before Christmas so then I will have to find everyone presents in one week’s time (and it will be so busy and so close to Christmas!).
•    Just the stress of trying to make it to all the places we have to go.
•    The pressure of making the holidays seem full of childhood wonder for my adult children with the addition of grandchildren – the responsibility for a moment of happiness for my family, shielding them from real life which is very hard the other 364 days of the year and trying to take a breath and just enjoy being together. Yes, that creates stress and sometimes an unrealistic goal that creates sadness which I try to hide from loved ones.
•    I have experienced stress during the holidays from, I think, two sources.  The first, and easiest to understand, came from trying to make my daughters' Christmases good.  By good, I thought in terms of gifts under the tree; there was no lack of family support and traditions for a good Christmas.  I was in a very low-paying job during the early years after my divorce, and so I had to be creative in putting lots of gifts under the tree, i.e., one pair of socks in a pretty box.  As time moved on, my job situation improved, as well as my creativity in making multiple packages. The second source of stress for me was what I now recognize as a dysfunctional family.  There were no overt signs of dysfunctionality, but I was always on pins and needles, hoping no one would get angry and create a scene.  The stress became pretty rough in my mind to the point I couldn't wait until gifts were exchanged and the kitchen cleaned.  At that point, I left to go to friends' homes where I could find "normal" (my words) people to celebrate with.  That stress never did get better; but since my parents are gone, we don't get together as a family any more.
•    Stress at some level happens annually, but I try to keep it in perspective and remember the “reason for the season,” talking myself down by laughing at the absurdity of it all. Depression though hit hard during our first holiday season without Dad, and some of it I just purposefully let happen, knowing it was part of my grieving process. We also did things a little differently that first year, like having Christmas at my sister’s new house instead of at our parents’ so that his absence wouldn’t be more obvious than it already would be. Being together helped the most, I think, and we got through it with both smiles and tears.
•    I have experienced both stress and depression through the holidays. I really do not like to shop, and money has been a big issue most of my life. I don’t like picking things out for people that they may not like or use, and I hate buying “generic” gifts. I feel like it’s a waste of money. My family has been broken since before I was born so the holidays always bring a sort of sadness. Most of my family live 900 miles away so I always really miss them but especially during the season of family gatherings. I do enjoy time with my husband and children after all the crazy shopping is over and I can go to my kitchen and bake goodies to give away. I love gathering with my family and friends who are nearby and making memories. These and the reminder of the birth of Jesus help bring me peace through the stress that the season brings.
•    The holidays always make me miss my Daddy: smells, songs, things I see in stores that he loved….
•    Hasn’t everyone experienced stress or depression during the holidays? False expectations usually bring it on. I still love Christmas even if it’s sometimes stressful or depressing because of my focus on temporary problems. It’s a great time of the year. I try to focus on the true meaning – Jesus came to rescue us and give everyone the opportunity to be reconciled to the Father. Nothing there to be depressed or stressed about. Only be thankful, rejoice and praise God!

I, too, have experienced stress and mild seasonal depression during the winter holidays. These instances occurred in my life just before and since the loss of my late husband. I could empathize with the responses above related to the loss of a loved one. Also, during those times of stress or depression, I believe I had unrealistic expectations or I had allowed myself to get too tired physically. I’ve come to realize that generally the only person judging my performance in terms of success or failure is me. I usually need to get some sleep and/or adjust my expectations.

As we begin the holiday season, many will experience some stress and/or depression. Then, some people may feel a bit let down after celebrating the holidays. Realistic planning for the holiday season may help us avoid large stressors and overwhelming depression. But hopefully, we can “be of good cheer” and focus on the reason for the season.