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Lookin Thru Bifocals: Don Locke

Humor me this go- ‘round:

            A farmer went into a hardware store to buy some tools. In the store, the storekeeper asked the farmer if he would like to buy a bicycle.

            “You won’t have to feed a bicycle; you can ride around the farm on it. I can sell you one cheap. I’ve got one here I could let you have for 35 dollars,” the storekeeper told him.

            “I’d rather put 35 dollars into a cow,” the farmer said.

            “Well, you’d look awful foolish riding around on a cow,” the proprietor told him.

            “No more foolish, I guess,” said the farmer, “than I would trying to milk a bicycle.”

            At the close of the service, the dull preacher announced there would be a meeting of The Board.

            When the Board of Life got settled they discovered a stranger among them. The preacher said to the stranger, “I’m sorry, this is a meeting of the Board only.”

            “Go right ahead,” replied the stranger, “I was never so bored in all my life,”

            A play on words: (from the movie, Mary Poppins; Mary along with the bids came up with the banquet word they could guess up: Surpercalafradjulisticexpalidoshes.) More of you remember Mahatma Gandhi, at one time India’s prime minister.

            Although to Gandhi had a degree in law from England’s Oxford University, he chose the simple life, dressed like a guru; he walked barefoot most of the time, wore only a loin cloth; had a set of calluses on his feet

            Gandhi ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet he suffered bad breath. This made him – super-callusedfraglile-mystichexedbyhalitosis.

            Once there was a fellow who lived in a glass house. He had a strange hobby; he went around the world collecting thrones. He stored his throne in the attic of his glass house. One day as he sat in his glass house the weight of the throne caused the glass ceiling to break, and all the thrones fell on him and killed him.

            The lesson; “He who lives in glass houses shouldn’t stow thrones.”

            One more spoonerism and ill quit:

            As this guy named Benny finished shaving one morning; he opened a bottle of shaving lotion. Low and behold this genie popped out, the genie granted Benny one wish- with the strong admonition if he accepted the wish, he would be required to keep it.

            “I have always wanted a long, bushy, red beard,” he told her,

            “Done,” she said.

            Benny looked into the mirror to see his long, red, bushy beard,

            “Now,” she warned, “you must never shave this off. If you do, you will be turned into a Grecian Urn.”

            That night Benny went to see his girlfriend. She hated his red beard. “This won’t work,” Benny thought, “heck I don’t believe this Grecian Urn, mumbo-jumbo.” So, Benny shaved the beard off. He immediately turned into a Grecian Urn.

            Moral: a Benny shaved is a Benny Urned.

Kindest regards...


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