Beech Tree News Network

Preacher tales make good scripts; here are a few:

Some preachers were discussing what they did before going out to the pulpit. Almost all said they prayed a short prayer. They asked the last guy, he said, “I checked my fly to make sure I’m zipped up.”

At my home church one time a young boy came forward to declare his faith and ask for Baptism. His name was Parker Shelton.

Our pastor was handed a slip of paper with Parker’s name on it. Our pastor misread Parker’s first name and called him “Poker” from then on, the kids called him Poker Shelton.

A lot of country preachers had two or three churches they preached at once a month.

Too, back then, a lot of old-time preachers smoked a pipe. They would go out back between Sunday School and the sermon, and light up.

Once a preacher knocked his pipe out, he thought, and put it in his coat pocket before he came back, in to preach. He got into his sermon and smoke started coming up out of his coat pocket.

One of the deacons ran over and got a bucket of water from the water bucket in the corner and poured it into the preacher’s coat.

When the smoke died down the sermon went ahead.

When a lot of young Baptist preachers came out of the seminary, they affected a preacherish accent when they spoke: Boptist, Preacha, Apostle, like that.

Once a young seminar graduate had trouble finding a job… any kind of job. Someone suggested the unemployed office. He went.

He walked up to the lady behind the desk and announced: “I’m a Boptist preacha. I’ve come about a jobb.”

“I’m afraid we don’t have anything like what you are looking for,” she told him.

“What about any kind of job?” He asked.

“The only thing I see in my file,” she said. “A job out at the local zoo – their kangaroo died. They want for some to put on a kangaroo suit and get into the cage and jump around.”

They young boy did. He put on the suit and jumped and jumped. The people clapped, the higher he jumped the more they clapped.

One day he jumped so high, he jumped over into the lion’s cage. The lion got on him like he was going to claw at the boy’s throat. The boy was screaming. Directly the lion got down next to the boy’s ear and said, “shut up, I’m a Baptist preacher trying to make a living too.”

Kindest regards…