Beech Tree News Network

Last year, my youngest son, Jax, was mad at me because I would not buy him a treat from the vending machine we had to walk past everyday when we would leave the daycare located at WKU.  The rule is IF he had a good week at “school” then he could have a treat on Friday.  Needless to say, we had the same conversation everyday, usually with no issues because I had become pretty good at redirecting his attention.  But not on this day as he had become wise to my secret powers. 

Jax tried to convince me that he had been REALLY good that day and when that didn’t work, he resorted to using his big, chocolate brown, puppy-dog-eyes with the long eyelashes trick.  When even THAT didn’t work, he used his weapon of mass destruction:  Jax informed me that he did not love me anymore, that he was not going to be my little boy anymore AND that he was going to live with his “real” mommy.  BOOM!  (Insert mushroom cloud here.)   

As a biological parent, I am sure it hurts to have your child say those words to you.  Most children, at some point, get so mad at their parents that they say things they really don’t mean, such as I don’t love you anymore, I wish I had another mommy, etc. I am guilty myself of saying words to my mother during my childhood that probably cut her like a knife.  But, as an adoptive parent, those same words will stop you in your tracks. 

Jax has been a part of our lives since he was 3 days old and we are all he has ever known as Mommy and Daddy but his comment made me painfully aware that there really is another person out there somewhere, that bears the title of mother and she is just as real as I am.  A million questions raced through my mind at once.  Does he not see me as real?  What about my other boys; am I real to them?  Do they want another mom?  What am I doing wrong?  How can I fix this?  Whom should I call?
Then it struck me like a bug hitting a car windshield:  This has nothing to do with being adopted but everything to do with not getting his way.  He is being a typical ticked off 5 year old boy, plain and simple.

I also began to realize that karma had come into play.  I thought about calling my mom hoping to get sympathy from her.  But in reality, what grandparent is going to give their adult child sympathy over their grandchild acting up? 

Once I came back to a more rational mode of thinking, this is how our conversation went: 

Me:  So, do you still want to go live with your real mommy?  Jax:  Yes. 

Me:  Where do I need to drop you off?  Jax:  At the pond.

Me:  The pond?  Why the pond?  Jax:  Because my real mommy is a duck.

Oh my sweet, little boy Jax.  He really, wait for it….quacks me up!

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C. Denise Lambrianou is the Program Coordinator for Family Enrichment Center-Adoption Resource Program, which is funded in part by a grant from the Cabinet of Health and Family Services, Department of Protection and Permanency and Wendy’s of Bowling Green.  If you would like information about becoming a foster or adoptive family, or you would like to inquire about a featured child, please call (270) 781-6714 x 3 or (866) 842-9032 x 3.

About Crystal:
Say hello to Crystal (06/95). Crystal is a happy and energetic young girl. She likes cheerleading and dance. She is outgoing and loves a good chat. She also enjoys arts and crafts. Crystal likes school and her best subject is math. Crystal relates well with adults and she is always one to speak openly and honestly. She is very verbal about her likes and dislikes. Crystal reports that little kids like her and always want her to play with them. She is also an animal lover. Crystal has been able to overcome milestones that stood in her way and to move forward and look to her future. She is willing to be adopted and understands that this would make a big difference in her life. She understands that she needs parents who will take care of her, keep her safe, love her, and nurture her. Crystal will need support in making the transition and adjustment to her adoptive family. She still has lots of questions. She needs a family who will be patient and understanding with her and who will work with her on developing age-appropriate social skills. Could that be you?