Beech Tree News Network

There are a few things that come pretty close to bugging me at times. Just close. I don't want to be thought of as an old grouch. Somebody asked first wife Bett if she ever woke-up grouchy. "No," she replied, "I just let him sleep." Well, sometimes maybe, but not always. But we all have a few things we deny I guess.

On the whole I suppose I have more patience with people than I do things. Little things bug me sometimes. I suppose that is a sign of the proverbial "second childhood" syndrome . . . I've come down the trail several wagon greasins' now. Here are some things that perplex, plague, and pester . . . not to mention harass and harangue (first wife Bett just tells me, "Get over it."):

--Why don't they make a dishwasher you can put regular liquid soap into? It causes a barrel of suds all over the kitchen floor. Guess that's not all bad though. That's about the only chance I get to mop it . . . and mop . . . and mop.

--Why don't a cat walk beside you like a dog? They'd rather walk directly under your feet, where they get stepped-on, or you get tripped. Our black cat "Spook" is like that; (His given name is Sylvester) most of the time he's as jumpy as a one-legged pullet in a fox den. He's especially afraid of storms. I guarantee he can hear thunder 100 miles away.

--I wish they would make underwear that won't ride up when you turn over in bed. It tends to cut your breath off.

--Trying to make a phone call to a business . . . you know, you've been there. Most times you can only punch a bunch of buttons or say this or that. If you're ever lucky enough to get a warm body on the other end, chances are they speak English very poorly, if at all. Or if they can, they speak so fast my ears can't hear at that speed. They may as well be speaking Swahili.

--TV commercials. This would take a whole book of complaints. Why do producers and directors think black and white is so clever and/or unique? My stars, my generation went for years and had nothing but black and white. Even when color TV came about, only those with deep pockets could afford one.

--A back-up crank on a car's power windows would be nice. They have to virtually take the door apart to fix a wonky window. Back in yester-year, up until about 1949 or so, all new cars came with a manual removable crank you could insert directly through an opening at the bottom of the grill to connect with the engine flywheel and crank that sucker if the battery was dead. All windows had cranks too.

--Why can't they build an automobile with ZERO electronics. It would be cheaper to operate. For instance, the electronic throttle-distance sensor on our 1986 Cadillac costs, new, over $60.00. That's they cheapest. They can run up about $80 or $90. That's close to what the car is worth . . . but it's paid for. Race cars do not have electronics. That tell you anything? You'd also not see as much pasteboard stuck in windows in cold weather.

--You play the dickens trying to get into packaged food these days. I have to use scissors on about everything, and I'm still fairly strong in my hands.

--Thank goodness for clothes pins. I nip off the bread wrapper just below that little wire twister. Whoever puts those things on will twist about half way to the right, then the other half to the left. They are a pain in the backside.

--Why can't yellow caution lights stay on just  little longer. Some years back I did not quite beat one, and it cost me $62.50. Ouch!

And they put it all down to the PROGRESS OF MAN.

Kindest regards . . .