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Don Locke: Looking Through Bifocals

Innuendos (indirect hints or remarks, which may or may not imply something derogatory), can say a whole lot of hateful stuff. Folks sometimes use them to lie, or to tell the truth. Truth is better.

A lot of commercials on TV use them to lie: "My doctor took me off of Warfarin, and put me on (a newer drug more expensive)." Warfarin is a blood-thinner. First wife Bett has been on it for years. It's also used for rat and mouse poison. We're told a human would need to ingest around 800 pounds of it at one sitting for it to be fatal. It used to be advertised at the Grand Ole Opry: "Waffrin (they called it that) kills rats and mice."

A shrug can be an innuendo, or a voice inflection or a mumble. "Well . . . " is a good innuendo word: "Do you think Hortense Gumbody is pretty?"

"Well . . . . . . "

I guess a pout can be an innuendo when one is miffed at someone or something. A pout is silent, yet it speaks loudly. So can a roll of the eyes or other facial expressions. Most times, growing up, when I had need of correction, without speaking, my daddy would look sternly at me and raise one eyebrow. That did the job; it also saved wear and tear on my britches. It was a useful innuendo on both our parts. My mother, Gladys, did not go for innuendos; she took the direct approach . . . if you get my innuendo.

The following is an example of voice inflection innuendos:


    I did not say he stole the money.   Then who said it?

    I did not SAY he stole the money.   Then how was the message conveyed?

    I did not say HE stole the money.   Then who did steal it?

    I did not say he STOLE the money.   Then how was it taken?

    I did not say he stole the MONEY.   Then what did he steal?

Innuendos can cause miscommunication, but they aren't the same. The former is deliberate; the latter is not--just carelessness sometime.

Some years back an Air Force C-123 Globemaster was on final approach when the pilot saw he was too low. He was pretty close to the bottom of the power curve when he told the flight engineer "take-off power!" The flight engineer did just that; he took off ALL OF IT . . . THROTTLES ALL WAY BACK. The huge cargo plane plowed up a row of stumps short of the runway. Miraculously, nobody was seriously injured . . . except the airplane. It was thereafter used for spare parts. Good radio procedure SHOULD have been: "Give me take-off power!" Now, only the pilot or co-pilot handle the throttles on take-offs and landings. This incident was caused by splitting duties too fine.

A lovely young lady went into an artist's studio and requested he paint a portrait of her. When the artist was setting things up, the lady said, "You did understand I want you to paint me in the nude."

"Oh, I don't think I can do that," he replied, "you will have to go somewhere else, where they do that sort of thing."

"I'll pay you double your fee if you will do it . . . paint me in the nude," she came-back.

'Course money speaks louder every time. The artist relented, with one request: "You'll need to let me keep my socks on; I NEED A PLACE TO HOLD MY BRUSHES."

Don't ever get caught with one foot in the stirrup, and one in the gate. YOU'LL YELL "WHO" A LOT. And that's no innuendo.

Kindest regards . . .

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