Beech Tree News Network

Please indulge me. I like TV reruns; I also like old joker-the clean ones are the funniest. If you’ve heard them before, I hope you’ll like them again; I prefer to call them stories. 

The president and CEO of the dog food company called a meeting of his company salesmen for a pep talk. Things were not going well. 

CEO: “Who has the best sales force?” 

Reply: “We have: We have!”

CEO: “Who has the most attractive TV commercials?” 

Rep: “We have! We have!” 

CEO: “Who has the best looking packaging?” 

Rep: “We have! We have!” 

CEO: “Who has the sleekest-looking sales fleet of automobile?”

Rep: “We have! We have!” 

CEO: “Then, why are the sales going down? The CEO cried-out almost in tears. 

Rep: “In Chorus: They won’t eat the blame stuff!” 

A country boy went to a dance for the first time. “I can’t dance much, but if I can find a dance partner I don’t know what to say while we’re dancing,” he told his friend. “Pay her a nice compliment,” the friend told him. “That’s a good way to break the ice.” 

Sure enough he found a partner. He was tongue-tied for the first few minutes. Then as they danced it came to him out-of-the-blue; he blurted out: “You don’t sweat much for a fat girl.” 

A guy went into a small mom and pop grocery. He noticed on a shelf wall all way down one side from top to bottom, nothing but boxes of salt. “Looks like you sell a lot of salt,” he said to the store keeper. 

“No, I don’t sell a lot of salt”, the ole fellow said. “Now, the guy who sells me salt, he sells a lot of salt.” 

A fellow driving down the road saw this farmer holding his pigs up one-by-one letting them eat apples off the tree. He stopped and said to the farmer, “Don’t that take a lot of time?” 

“What’s time to a pig?” the farmer replied.  The old prospector came into town and tied his mule up in front of the general store, minding his own business. Suddenly this wild and wooly cowboy spied the prospector and thought he would have a little sport. 

“Have you ever danced?” he said to the old guy. 

“No”, the old prospector replied. “I don’t reckon I have.” 

“Well, you’re gonna dance now”, the cowboy said. Pulling out his six-shooter he began shooting around the old man’s feet making him jump up into the air. A crowd gathered and watched the show as the old prospector dodged the bullets. 

Directly the cowboy ran out bullets. With that, the old prospector untied his mule, led him over to the cowboy, at the same time pulling a double barrel sawed off shotgun out of his mule-pack. Cocking both rabbit-ear hammers on the double barrel, he laid the muzzle of the gun up between the cowboy’s eyes. 

“You ever kissed a mule right on the lips?” he asked the sweating cowboy. 

“No”, the trembling cowboy replied, “But I always wanted to!” 

This gigantic mountain man rode into a sheep camp on a big bull-buffalo at a full gallop. He had a huge rattlesnake by the tail whipping his mount on the rump. 

The men were dipping sheep in a tank of copperous water, kerosene, sulfur, and carbolic acid… getting rid of ticks. The rider dressed in filthy buckins; hair down to his shoulders; long matted whiskers; jerked off his greasy hat, ran over and dipped it full of the sheep dip and drank it. He then grabbed his rattlesnake, mounted his steed and tore-out like his hair was on fire… snake-whipping that buffalo. “I’ve gotta’ get outta here quick,” he hollered as he rode off, “there’s really a bad hombre after me.”  

Kindest regards….