Beech Tree News Network

Sometimes, when I’m home by myself for an extended period of time, I wonder what I would do if Garey passed away before I do.  I would definitely NOT want another relationship.  Life is hard and marriage is even harder.  This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate my relationship with Garey, but it took a lot of hard work to get to where we are now, and I’m too tired to invest that much effort into anybody else.  No, I would want to continue by myself.  I have family and friends enough for me to be happy and helped.

When Garey leaves to take care of business in Alabama, I don’t cook for myself.  I open cans and fix stuff in the microwave and drink lots of coffee.  I over-feed the cats and watch too much TV.  It’s not that I can’t do those things when he is here, it’s that when he’s here, I am more mindful of what I do, because my actions affect another person.  I want to do better when he is around.

If Garey is gone during winter weeks, I carry in wood and keep a nice fire going in the fireplace.  I go to the grocery store, but just for enough to get me by.  I mostly stay home.  It takes a lot to get motivated enough to go to the mailbox.  I turn my cats in for the night and make sure they stay in with me, even if they want to go back outside.  I bribe them with extra Greenies—cat cocaine—and I let them be bored with only my company.  They usually fall asleep on the back of the couch, while I’m watching TV, so when I go to bed, I leave the living room light on for them, because it makes them feel like someone is in the room, and that comforts them while they sleep.  Yes, I know how wasteful that is, but it’s like I pointed out earlier, I’m not very mindful when Garey is not around.  You know that Proverb that states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  I’m not very sharp when left to my own devices.

It’s hard to know if being forced to live by myself would cause me to eventually level off.  I really don’t want to have to find out.  My life with Garey is on a comfortable path.  There is something soothing about predictability as you age.  I still do things to challenge my mind, like read, work puzzles and write, but I don’t push myself as hard as I did when I was younger.  Garey has always been an easy-going person, and I do believe he has rubbed off on me.

This week on the morning news, I heard a young high school football player say, “You can’t get mad at what you can’t control.”  I wish I had been as smart as that high school kid when I was a high school kid.  It took me way too long to realize that I will lose a fight with what I can’t control every single time, no matter how much of a lather I work myself into.  Unpredictable stuff still comes out of left field, like Garey falling from the ladder, but instead of asking “why” or getting angry about it, I’ve learned to ask for help.  Recently, I talked to a man who had just lost his wife.  “We loved each other more in the last twenty years than ever before, because we had to rely on one another,” he said.  Age teaches you that love is not self-sufficient.

Another important lesson I keep learning as I grow older is the importance of self-maintenance You know how on an airplane, the flight attendants tell you that if there is an emergency and the oxygen masks deploy, to be sure to put your own mask on first before you help someone else with theirs.  There is much wisdom in that directive.  If I am going under either literally or figuratively, I can’t do anybody any good, until I put on my own oxygen mask.  Sometimes, the only way to make things better in the lives of those around you is to follow your own path, no matter how selfish others accuse you of being.  

I’ve noticed that the older I get, the more courage I seem to have. This courage comes in the form of ceasing to care what others think of me. I believe the real wisdom that comes with age is that you figure out what is really important, and you let everything else fall off you.