Beech Tree News Network

Recently, I saw a tee shirt that read: 90 Percent of Being Married is Yelling ‘What?’ From Other Rooms.  With Garey and me, it’s more like 95 percent.  Garey can’t hear, and I’m quickly getting there.  He and I often start conversations with, “I told you this before.”  In one of Garey’s more honest moments, he replied, “I probably just acted like I heard you, because I didn’t feel like yelling ‘what’ one more time.”  What could I say?  I’ve done that too.

               When we do hear one another, we usually misunderstand or misinterpret what is being said.  I will ask Garey, “Did you feed Blackjack?”  He will answer, “I took the trash down this morning.  Last night, we had a particularly frustrating back and forth for several minutes, before things got cleared up.

               We were watching a recorded episode of a series we both like.  When it got to a commercial, I said, “Honey, can you pause that and take Mollie (the dog I’m sitting) out to pee while I get the sheets out of the dryer?”

               “Let me fast forward through the commercials,” Garey said. 

               I took the sheets from the dryer, and on the way to the bedroom, I noticed Mollie standing by the door.  “Garey!” I yelled from the kitchen, “just pause it and take Mollie out!”

               “I’m not through the commercials yet,” he said.

               I took the sheets into the bedroom, then came back to the living room, and Mollie was still standing by the door, this time doing the pee dance.  Garey was sitting on the couch staring at the paused TV show.

               “Come on, Mollie,” I said, “I’ll take you out myself.”

               Mollie and I came back in.  I was more than a little frustrated, so I told Garey, “Just go on and watch your show.  I’ll rewind and watch it later.”

               “I can wait for you,” he said.

               “I’ve got to put the sheets on the bed now!” I said.  “If you had taken Mollie out like I asked you to, I could already have that done!”

               “I didn’t know you wanted me to take Mollie out,” he said.

               “I told you three times!” I yelled.

               “All I heard was you were going to take Mollie out.” he said, defensively.  “Let me help you put the sheets on the bed, then we’ll both watch the rest of the show together.”

               While we were putting the sheets on the bed, Garey said, “We need closed captioning for real life.”

               “No, what we need is to learn sign language before we get divorced,” I said.

               One of the areas in which I am proud of both of us, however, is our willingness to read between the lines, instead of constantly correcting one another.  Last Saturday, Garey told me he had driven over to Walnut Grove to check the storm damage there.  I knew he meant Woodbury Estates, so I just let it go.  Our daughter Natalie was in the kitchen when he told us that. 

               “Where’s Walnut Grove?” Natalie asked.

               “What?” Garey asked.

               “You said you checked the storm damage at Walnut Grove.  Where’s Walnut Grove?” she asked again.

               “Did I say Walnut Grove?  I meant Woodbury Estates,” Garey said.

               If Natalie still lived at home and heard half of the conversations that go on between Garey and me, she would move us into an assisted living facility.  On the upside, if one of us loses their mind before the other, the conversation between us probably won’t be that different from what it is right now.  In the interim, it would probably behoove us to learn sign language.