Beech Tree News Network

On Saturday, while Garey was helping me set up for our granddaughter, Sabria’s, birthday party, I stopped and looked around at the cake, the decorations and the presents then said, “I wish I’d had me for a mother.”

I realize how arrogant that sounds, and on some level it is; but on another level, it is “the little girl who will not be silenced,” still living inside of me, still wishing someone had occasionally made her feel special, instead of being viewed as just one of a group of kids who needed to be seen but not heard.

I realize the pendulum has swung too far in the direction of special attention, 24 – 7 for nearly every child in the continental United States.  I know we’ve created a “me, me, me” generation, and I’ve heard all of the negative things prophesied about the days to come, when this generation is finally in charge.  But I’ve heard this prophecy before.

Garey always thought I gave our daughters too much attention.  He feared they would turn out to be spoiled, selfish unfocused adults.  What he didn’t factor in was the balance that would come from having both of us as parents.

When our daughters were young, Garey fixed a plot of ground for watermelons and cantaloupes.  The girls planted them, hoed them, picked them then sold them in the parking lot of the store we ran at the time.  Garey let the girls spend part of the money, but they had to save the rest.  They bought things like TVs for their rooms at the time then computers with the portion they saved when they started to college.  Today, they both work steady jobs and still follow the “spend some, save some” principal their dad taught them years ago.

This spring, Garey taught Sabria how to set out sweet potato plants.  In the fall, when the potatoes were ready to harvest, Sabria was right there helping her Papa put the potatoes into baskets.  One Saturday, Garey loaded the potatoes and her into his pickup and pulled into the parking lot of our shop.  He and Sabria sold sweet potatoes from the back of his truck.  She gave Garey the money they made to put back for a special vacation her mom has planned for this spring.

When the time comes for Sabria to get her money from her Papa, I know exactly what will happen.  Garey will say, “Now Sabria, you don’t need to spend all your money.  You need to spend some, and you need to save some.”  And you know what?  Sabria will listen, just like our daughters did, because Garey has a way making it sound like that’s just the way it should be.

Recently, I was reading a journal entry Sabria’s mom, Natalie, had written.  I’m sharing it here with her permission: “As a parent, there are days when you feel like you’re screwing it all up, some days more than others.  You feel like if you hear one more whine, your head will explode.  You hate that you have to go into drill sergeant mode just to get your kid ready to go somewhere.  You think to yourself, how am I going to get this kid to be a successful adult?  What if they’re always going to be selfish, whiny and spoiled?  And then you see your child sitting on the back of a pickup truck, selling sweet potatoes that she dug up with her grandpa.  There is no greater feeling than to see the fruits of your labor, and when your own child learns that hard work pays off, the peace that comes over you is indescribable.  You realize that everyone in your village is helping to raise this kid to become successful in life.  You’re not alone.  You just have to remember that when most days seem like a battle of wills.  Those days won’t last forever, and you will make it to the other side with a little help and a lot of love.”

One of the things I’ve come to realize as I’ve grown older is that the parents who suffer the most angst over how their kids are going to turn out, are usually the parents who are getting it right.  I don’t mean you have to be neurotic over every little issue, but you do have to be vigilant over the things that count.  And if it’s something that counts to you, it will almost always count to those who love you, and they will be more than willing to help.