Beech Tree News Network

“What we have learned from others becomes our own through reflection.”  That quote is etched on an old mirror I bought at a yard sale years ago.  Over time, I’ve come to realize the truth of those words.  We teach each other simply by being in one another’s lives.  That’s why people who are loners are all elbows—there’s no room for anybody else.

               Our friend, Don Lindsey, passed away last week.  At the funeral, his grandson, Landon, told the story of walking with his grandfather through a parking lot, after a sporting event, when Don stopped to talk to a couple of panhandlers.  Landon was a young boy at the time.  On the way home, Don told Landon that it was impossible to learn everything you need to know in this life from one person.  He impressed upon his grandson the importance of listening to the view point of everyone he could.

               My husband, Garey, often reads to me from the newspaper as I flit around the house doing other things.  Last week, he read aloud the article on retiring Bowling Green City Manager, Kevin DeFebbo.  Mr. DeFebbo kept these words on a plaque near his desk: Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck that reads: MAKE ME FEEL IMPORTANT!  “Never forget this message when working with people,” Mr. DeFebbo said.  He knew what Don Lindsey knew.

               Have you ever crossed paths with somebody like Don Lindsey or Kevin DeFebbo, people who actually listen to what you have to say?  You will recognize them immediately, and you will carry their influence with you forever.  Even if it takes a while to reflect that influence back to others, it’s still there, biding its time, simmering on the back burner. 

               One of the first people I remember who took the time to really listen to me was Juanita Bryant.  She ran Bryant’s Grocery in the Fifth District area of Butler County, and she was the Postmaster for the area, as well.  Garey and I lived on Love Lee Road at the time—he and his Dad had a coal mine in the area—and we had a Rural Route address.  The U.S. Postal Service, in their infinite wisdom, decided we should have a Welchs Creek address. 

               If all of our mail had come directly to our mail box, that wouldn’t have been a problem.  It didn’t, however.  Due to the over-regulation of the coal mining industry, we received a steady flow of certified mail that had to be signed for.  This meant I was constantly traveling back roads between our place and Bryant’s Grocery to pick up mail.  I became very frustrated, and one day, I voiced that frustration to Ms. Bryant. 

I braced for a confrontation.  It never came.  Instead, she listened patiently, sympathized with me then found a way to resolve the problem.  She told me if a certified letter arrived for us, she would call that afternoon and make arrangements for the letter to be delivered directly to me when the mail ran in my area the next day.  I could sign the signature card and give it to the mail carrier, who would then return it to the post office.   I left Bryant’s Grocery that day totally disarmed.  I hadn’t expected a solution.  I just wanted a chance to voice my frustration.  I was given both. 

It would be years before I could listen to unreasonable people as patiently as Ms. Bryant had listened to me those many years ago, but I never forgot that experience.  I still see her face and hear her calm, quiet voice when I come into contact with people who vent their frustrations to me.  

Ern Baxter—a voice from my past—said, “When Jesus said, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, he was referring to how we, as his followers, should behave.”  In other words, we have to be the opposite of all the anger and craziness going on around us.  Anger plus anger equals anger.  Hate plus hate equal hate.  There is little more opposite than sheep and wolves, patience and anger, love and hate.

In the poem, “Desiderata,” the author writes, “…listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”   We all have our story, and it is the really wise in this world who know that and take the time to listen.