Beech Tree News Network

My oldest sister has learned to text and she is driving me crazy.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister, but all of her texts end with question marks or are so open-ended that I have to respond.  Also, she’s not the most patient person in the world.  The exchange might go something like this:
    HAVE YOU RENTED THAT MOVIE I TOLD YOU ABOUT YESTERDAY?
    NOT YET.
    YOU REALLY SHOULD, IT WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH.
    IT SOUNDS REALLY FUNNY.
    THERE’S ANOTHER ONE YOU’LL REALLY LIKE TOO.
And on it goes for another fifteen minutes.
    What my sister has yet to grasp about texting is that most of the time when people text, it’s because they don’t have time for a full-length conversation.  A text gets to the point without all of the niceties and manners required with a verbal exchange.
    I use as few words as possible in my texts:
    BRING HOME MILK.
    TURN ON THE OVEN.
    DVR THE BRONCOS/COLTS GAME.
And with everybody except my oldest sister, I use abbreviations and incorrect punctuation.  She is a retired English teacher.  I have this picture in my mind of my texts being returned to me fraught with red pencil corrections. 
    I have a friend who teaches English on the college level.  He uses all kinds of abbreviations in his texts, but it really frustrates him when a student turns in an essay using text speak.  He recently posted the following on his Facebook page: Ur is not a word.  The correct word is “your,” which shows possession, or “you’re,” which is a contraction for you are.  (I saw a tee shirt I think I’ll get him for Christmas.  It reads:  I’M SILENTLY CORRECTING YOUR GRAMMAR.)
    My youngest sister decided recently that she wants the sisters to get together in November for a pre-holiday lunch, which is fine, but she made the mistake of telling my oldest sister first, who continues to text me with questions and locations and dates and conversations she’s had with the other two sisters, one of whom didn’t think she would be able to drive down from Indiana.  I texted back I would handle it. 
    I called my sister in Indiana and made arrangements for us all to meet in Evansville at a Cracker Barrel to be selected at a future date.  I texted my oldest sister the information for her review then called my youngest sister in order to confirm time, location and place.  While I was on the phone with my youngest sister, I received a beep that alerted me to an incoming text message.  When I read the text, I was not entirely surprised to learn that my oldest sister had done an internet search of every Cracker Barrel in Evansville and had included their locations and distance from each of our houses.  I texted back, PICK ONE, in hopes that it would keep her busy for at least fifteen minutes.
      Do you remember the news story about the man who was carjacked by terrorists as he pulled off the road to read a text, because he wanted to be responsible and not endanger anyone else on the highway?  I substituted for one of my friends on a paper route all week.  I do not read or send texts while I’m driving.  My sister knows this.  I texted her that I wouldn’t be able to send or receive texts during such and such times each day for fear that I would be carjacked by terrorists.  I had two hours of silent bliss each afternoon, a respite I greatly need before I return to the world of Cracker Barrel locations in Evansville.