Beech Tree News Network

After working with all men for the last few years, it has come to my attention that there are certain things that wouldn’t exist if not for women, apart from the obvious things like babies and “The View,” that is.  When you work with men, those things become quickly apparent. 

You know that little roller thing that holds the toilet paper, I’m pretty sure a woman invented that, because not one of the guys at work seems to know how it operates.  They set the new roll of toilet paper on the floor or on back of the commode or on top of the empty cardboard roller from the previous roll.

I am a personal witness to the fact that inside doors wouldn’t exist if not for women.  Men are big fans of doors on the outside of structures.  Those doors give them the chance to say things like, “Shut that door!  I’m not paying to heat the whole outside!”  Outside doors also keep coyotes and possums from coming inside to steal pork loin and barbeque ribs—men don’t like sharing those two particular food items.  Now, inside doors, on the other hand, are an entirely different matter.  They seem to be viewed by men as unnecessary obstacles, something that shouldn’t have been invented in the first place, and certainly not closed, now that they have been invented.

When we first built New Image Car Care Center back in 2000, the guys didn’t think it was necessary to put a door at the entrance of the utility room restroom.  We have a public restroom, and the guys were going to use the one in the utility room as their own, which brings me to another item that probably wouldn’t have been invented if not for women—the toilet brush.  There was a door at the entrance of the utility room, and it could be closed if one of the guys was in the restroom, they reasoned.

Now, that would have worked just fine if not for the fact that some of the guys who came in to get their oil changed also decided to use that restroom, and not all of them had the where-with-all to completely close the utility room door.  If I needed to get something from the frig in that room, I learned to approach the partially-opened door with caution

The straw that broke the camel’s back happened on the day I headed into the utility room to heat up some pizza in the microwave.  There were no cars in the bays, so I didn’t think anybody except the guys and me were in the building.  Unbeknownst to me, an elderly gentleman had stopped by to visit, and as I entered the wide-open utility room door, there he stood, with one hand propped against the wall and the other hand holding his manhood over the toilet.  I was mortified!

After he left, I approached Greg and Garey.  “I cannot un-see what I just saw,” I said.  “I want a door and I want one now!”

Greg, sensing I had been pushed over the edge, called our friend Possum Hazel, and asked him to stop by and give us an estimate on a bathroom door.  Possum said it would cost fifty dollars for the door and its installation.  “I’m not sure she saw fifty dollars’ worth,” Greg said, “We’ll get back with you.”

I endured another two weeks without a restroom door then finally went to Lowes and bought one of those heavy duty shower curtains I hung in the doorway.  It still hangs there sixteen years later.

The great philosopher Chris Rock said, “If it weren’t for women, men would live in a cardboard box.”  My sentiments exactly.