Beech Tree News Network

This past Christmas was filled with several debacles on my part.  Nothing earth-shattering, mind you, just a series of small things going awry that gave me an overwhelming sense of inadequacy or maybe it was stupidity.  At times, it’s hard to distinguish between the two.
    The first mistake actually happened Thanksgiving weekend.  Garey and I stopped off at his mom’s in Alabama, on our way to see our daughter, Nikki, in Louisiana.  I always make Aggie a cheeseball around the holidays, so I decided I’d drop it off that weekend in order to give her longer to enjoy it.
    When we arrived at her house, I reached into the cooler we packed and pulled out the black bowl with the white lid and presented Aggie with a lovely bowl of left-over chili.  I have quite a few of those bowls, thanks to Shogun and my propensity for recycling, so I had inadvertently grabbed the wrong one.  On the upside, Aggie told me later that the chili was quite tasty.
    The chili/cheeseball error set the tone for the rest of the holiday season.  I ordered a lot of things this Christmas, and most of the items arrived in a timely manner; however, one item never made it to my door.  It was the movie, “Bullets Over Broadway.”  I ordered that particular movie because I wanted to share it with my friend, Josh Hampton.  I saw the movie years ago, even owned it at one time, but who knows what became of it.  “Bullets Over Broadway” contains the kind of humor that not everyone can appreciate, and I just wanted to set aside a bit of my holiday time to share the comedy with a kindred spirit.
    The night I ordered the movie, I was being a cheapskate and chose the second-party seller option at a reduced price.  After two weeks of waiting and not receiving, I went back to check the order and noticed the seller was in Germany.  There was a disclaimer that said the item might not arrive in time for Christmas.  It didn’t.  Not sure it’s going to be here by Valentine’s Day.  I get the occasional update from Amazon, letting me know it is still being tracked—probably by Trapper John—and assuring me I will eventually get my package.  I’m sure I will, but the movie will probably be over-dubbed in German or it might not even be a movie at all.  They’ve just released the 50th anniversary edition of “Mein Kampf,” so I might end up with an audio book.
    I always buy two Lang calendars at Christmas, one for my mom and one for myself.  I usually get some form of Americana for my mom and something with abstract art for myself.  This year, Mom’s had birdhouses on it and mine pictured odd-looking coffee cups.  We saw my mom Christmas night, but in all the hoopla that is our Taylorsville Christmas, I didn’t see her open her gifts.  When I pulled my calendar from the bag to hang it on New Year’s Day, I held in my hand bird houses.  I know she’s wondering why I gave her a calendar of abstract coffee cups. 
    I wish that had been the only thing that went awry with the Taylorsville Christmas.  Mom asked me in November if I could bring turkey for our gathering, and I told her I would get some from the Honey Ham store.  I guess, I’m the only person in America that doesn’t know if you want roasted turkey for Christmas, it must be ordered at least two weeks in advance.  I was made aware of this information when I showed up at the store on the Wednesday before Christmas.  They tried to talk me into taking smoked turkey, but my people aren’t smoked-turkey people.  There were two small turkeys left in the fresh turkey cooler at Kroger, so I bought them both, and cooked one on Christmas Eve and one on Christmas morning.  It was a bit stressful, but it had to be done.
    We got up the morning after Christmas, and gathered some personal items together for a quick trip to Alabama to see Garey’s mom, sister, and two nephews.  I always take the two boys an Amazon gift card each, but I couldn’t seem to locate either of them.  I knew better than to do an extensive search.  If a gift card decides to hide from you, your best bet is to leave it be until it decides to show itself.  I grabbed some money cards, put a comparable amount of cash in each one, and we hit the road.
    I still haven’t found the gift cards, and I still haven’t seen hide nor hair of my movie.  If the gift cards show up before the movie, I think I’ll use them to order “Bullets Over Broadway” again.  The English version this time.