Beech Tree News Network

It’s time, once again, for the Big Dummy Awards! The annual celebration of Pillsbury D’OH-boys(or girls) that, quite frankly, has become one of my favorite columns of the year.  Not because I prefer to look back on stupidity but because I like looking back at what made news throughout the past year.  Let’s get to it.Our first nominee is NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.  He was actually the 4th nominee last year.  His ineptitude knows no bounds.  One of, yes I said one of, his main transgressions this year was the Tom Brady debacle aka The Summer of Brady.  “Oh my gosh, he’s going to court.  Goodell suspended him.  Will the suspension hold up? The suspension didn’t hold up? Look at that awful court sketch of Brady.  Let’s interview the woman who sketched him because, well why not? We’ve got to keep talking about this thing even though everyone is clearly sick of it.  When all was said and done, Tommy Boy was deemed free and clear.  Goodell has yet more egg on his face.  Even though I’m not a Patriots fan, a small part of me hopes they win the Superbowl and Brady is named MVP.  Imagine the awkwardness when Goodell has to congratulate Brady and his team.  Major Coke and popcorn moment! Honorable mention has to go to the Pats’ ballboys aka “the Deflators”.  Are you as sick of hearing about this as I am writing about it? Okay then.  Onto the next nominee 
I thought Justin Beiber told us he was going to grow up.  He was actually doing alright until a pic of him on a boat surfaced in July.  No big deal, right? It probably wouldn’t have been if he were clothed.  To his credit, he quickly took the photo off Instagram.  That’s right, he voluntarily posted it.  C’mon, son! Then, in a live TV concert, he lit up a joint and smoked Hennessey.  Again, he quickly apologized.  How about thinking before you act? Granted, sometimes I still do things I regret.  Don’t we all?
Our fourth nominee this year is Brian Williams, former anchor of NBC Nightly News.  According to him, he was “in the line of fire” and “in a war zone”.  When it was later discovered that he was in no danger whatsoever, well he had more than a little egg on his face.  NBC immediately took him off television and he hasn’t been seen since.  The moral to that story? Don’t embellish.  Or in this case, don’t out and out lie. 
Our fifth and final nominee is Cleveland Browns(I could just nominate the whole franchise) quarterback Johnny Manziel.  Browns legend Jim Brown still thinks “Johnny Football” can succeed with the Browns.  Well, stopping his party videos will go a long way in making sure he stays employed.  He’s almost like Beiber.  He says he’ll stop.  He even goes to rehab( but leaves early).  He can’t stop being childish.  You’re not in college anymore, John.  Jim Brown is for you.  “He has the talent.  The talent is there.  Coaching can really bring it out”.  He later goes onto say “He’s a young man”.  It’s true that Johnny is still young and has time to turn his life around.  For that reason, he’s eliminated.
That’s a solid crop of tomfoolery.  That said, I’m going to present the 2015 Big Dummy Award to(…drumroll) Brian Williams.  Never thought I’d give the title of Big Dummy to a (former) news anchor.  Then again, I never figured one would tell a lie that had such a harsh repercussion as him not working months later.  Will he see a career resurgence? It’s possible.  People who’ve done far worse are still around.  Time will tell.  Until then, as Fred Sanford might say: enjoy your award, you big dummy!