Beech Tree News Network

Let’s be honest, 2016 has been a bust: the veritable Ryan Leaf of years (google it).  So much that I could say dummy-wise about 2016.  I will hold back on some.  Who am I kidding? I won’t hold much back.  Let’s send 2016 out with a bang (thud)!
We have four nominees this year vying for the adoration (?) of the late, great Redd Foxx.  Our first nominee is the purveyor of the preposterous: NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.  I could seriously write a whole column on the truly ignorant things this man has overseen.  I will start with “Deflate-gate” aka the suspension of New England QB Tom Brady that was implemented, then overturned, then re-implemented.  Did he take the air out of footballs? Who cares? I know a lot of people cared at the beginning.  Towards the end of the spectacle, people just wanted the saga to end.  It did and Rog has egg on his face. I could talk about the suspensions.  Again, that would be another column. 
Our second nominee is Ryan Lochte.  Forget about the spaced-out interviews that he gave.  Actually, don’t.  That’s part of it.  Remember the Olympics this past summer? Remember how he lied about getting robbed? Bad enough he made the story up.  Then a video aired showing how drunk and careless he and his boys were.  I’m sure the newly expectant father would love to put 2016 behind him.  Also, how scary is it that this guy is going to be a father?
Our third nominee is Grayson “Jack Tripper” Allen.  Otherwise known(by me, at least) as the Serial Tripper, this dummy needs to learn, among other things, how to be an adult.  You’re a college athlete, not in kindergarten.  This is his third trip in the past year.  That’s not normal or an accident.  Allen, in a rare moment of clarity, says “there’s no excuse”.  His coach, continuing a decades-long trend, doesn’t seem to get it.  Coach K says “sometimes you can’t explain” on a recent appearance on the Dan Patrick Show.  Even Coach’s buddy Dan had a hard time buying that flimsy explanation-if you want to call it an explanation.  I predict this trend will continue in the NBA.  It won’t matter, though, as I say he ends up on an abysmal squad nobody pays attention to.
Our fourth and final nominee this year is the grim reaper.  David Bowie( January 10, age 69), Muhammad Ali(June 3, age 74), John Glenn(December 8, age 95), Miami Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez( Sept 25, age 24), former first lady Nancy Reagan( March 6, age 94), Janet Reno, first female Attorney General(November 7, age 78), Arnold Palmer (September 25, age 87), Gordie Howe(June 10, age 88), Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia was found dead at a Texas resort on Feb. 13. The 79-year-old jurist died of natural causes.
- Former Israeli President and Prime Minister Shimon Peres, a winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for negotiating with the Palestinians, died Sept. 28 at 93.
- Keith Emerson, the keyboardist who founded Emerson, Lake and Palmer, died March 11. The 71-year-old rocker died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. His bandmate Greg Lake, 69, who was also a founding member of King Crimson, died Dec. 7.  - Actor Alan Thicke, 69, who played the father in the ’80s sitcom “Growing Pains,” died Dec. 13 after his aorta artery ruptured.
- Florence Henderson, best known as quintessential TV mom Carol Brady in “The Brady Bunch,” died Nov. 24 of heart failure. She was 82.
- Comedian Garry Shandling died March 24, apparently of a heart attack. He was 66. Prince passed April 21 via accidental overdose on painkillers. Gene Wilder, 83, August 29.  Patty Duke, Harper Lee, John McLaughlin, Garry Marshall, George Kennedy(Naked Gun), Doris Roberts(Everybody Loves Raymond), Leonard Cohen(82, November 7), Merle Haggard, April 6(his 79th birthday), Glenn Frey, Sharon Jones, Craig Sager, Pat Summitt, Rob Ford, and the latest, George Michael on Christmas Day, Carrie Fisher December 27 after a heart attack at age 60, and her mother Debbie Reynolds age 84, December 28th. 
Let’s say we split the Big Dummy Award this year.  The 2016 Big Dummy Award will be shared between the Grim Reaper, who has taken enough people, and Roger Goodell.  Enjoy it.  Well, maybe enjoy isn’t the right word.