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Don Locke: Looking Through Bifocals

If propriety is still, at least, considered somewhat of a virtue, there are certain domains in which we should tread in good taste. The marriage bedroom is such a domain. And procreation plus its withalls and therewiths is another.

One is always on pretty solid ground to being in the Bible on any subject. The Greek language, from which the New Testament was translated originally, is said by theologians and other learned writers, to be the most perfect language we have. For instance there are at least eight different words in the Greek for the word, LOVE. Most of know AGAPAE: God Love-we may have learned that in Sunday School. We possibly might know PHILOS: friendship love; also EROS love (from which we get the word "erotic"). This is the marrying-kind of love a man and woman have for another. After marriage, we have the other part of erotic love: making WHOOPIE. All of these loves should be overshadowed by AGAPAE: God-love.

That brings us to Morton and Loshie, an older couple in my growing-up years - both in their early seventies . . . with grown grandchildren.

Loshie was past her child-bearing and all that went along with it. On the other hand, Morton didn't quite see it that way. He had some snow on the roof, but there was a spark or two left in the ashes. His way of looking at it was: that which was once enjoyed for procreation now could, and should, be enjoyed for recreation. Like a lot of women of her time, though, Loshie didn't want to be bothered with "that" anymore - besides she always did suspect it was somewhat "not righteous."

She and Morton still slept in the same bed. They still knew each other, but not in a Biblical way (Adam knew Eve). To keep it that way, Loshie slept in a pair of Morton's pants - TURNED AROUND BACKWARDS.

Some years later it came out that the first thing Morton did every morning; he took him a shot of Early Times. But I scarcely think alcohol could ever come close to EROS. Come to think of it, I never will really know. I never did drink.

Sometimes I get about four-thirds cheesed-off at TV commercials trying to sell heartburn pills. They say "you ought to take our alpha-hydroxy propionic tablets." A teaspoon of baking "sodie" (Texas) will put that right, post-haste with a glass of water. But doctors say soda is bad-doctors hate simple remedies. They don't cost much.

The only soda-side effect I know of is that it may cause a huge social blunder called burping. You might want to go to the closet after treatment.

One simple remedy for leg cramps does come from over the counter: Midol, for female discomfort. But, I'm told, for leg pain it also works for men-with only one bad side-effect. A man will likely want to get up early and go shopping.

And so - the PASSING PARADE.

Kindest regards . . .

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