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Don Locke: Looking Through Bifocals

Help, I'm caught in a state of mind . . . I don't know whether to fish-cutbait-or call hogs. I was under the impression we were living in the age of ultra-sophistocated communications, the likes of which the world has never known.

We don't have a lot of electronic stuff at our house . . . we do have a telephone where we can call anywhere in the U.S. without extra charge. I thought that was pretty good, until I got this letter from a local doctor's office that said I must "come in" about a lab test I was given recently. "We are restricted by law to give out test results by mail or over the phone." it's some sort of privacy-law thing the Government has cooked up. Therefore, I must drive 25 miles round trip when they could call me from town . . .

Who on this planet would give two-hoots if I left a "specimen" in a paper cup? Would the CIA or the FBI have need to know? Maybe the Government is afraid some terrorist group might get hold of this vital information. Or would the President or Congress and the other branches of the Fed need to know? I suspect the Government knows more about us now than we do ourselves. There is talk that in the future the Government will install an electronic chip into each of us so they can keep closer tabs on us. They are doing that now with high-priced breeding cows, in order to keep vital records about production and the like. Can't you hear two ole cows talking across the fence: "How's your chip doin' this morning?" "Fine, how's yours?"

Who knows what the Government knows? They may even know about the time I saw my Great Aunt Lola's bloomers when we was bending over emptying a bucket of water. No harm done though, I was about seven or eight, her bloomers came down to her knees, and I had not arrived yet anywhere near the age of lusting. One time I did look at my mother's corset hanging in her closet. Several times I held the bottom of the dipper when I got a drink out of the water bucket . . . that was a big no-no. The Feds have probably got on that record somewhere.

It's strange though that the U.S. Government doesn't trust its own mail service to have my lab results mailed to me. After all those bad guys -- those terrorists may have my phone bugged too. Then they would know WHAT I DID IN THE PAPER CUP.

God help us!

I heard this, this week. I'll share it: "Maybe all our dreams of youth never came true, but we had the enjoyment of them at the time."

Kindest regards . . .

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