Beech Tree News Network

When I was a kid, people didn’t say, “Stop being so dramatic,” if you were overreacting to a situation.  They would say instead, “Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill.”  Evidently, the moles in my front yard didn’t get the memo, because the earth there is rising into sizable mounds of dirt.  For a while, I thought groundhogs had taken up residence.

               Despite our best efforts, the moles in our yard have gotten completely out of hand.  Before anybody fires off a letter to the editor of this paper or calls animal protection services, I challenge you to coexist with the critters.  Mowing or even walking across a yard replete with mole hills and tunnels is not only annoying, but hazardous, as well.

               Garey and I have tried to take care of the problem ourselves, but the day is fast approaching when professionals will have to address the situation.  We have tried poison peanuts, poison fake worms and metal mole traps, all to no avail.  I haven’t put up those little metal windmills that send annoying vibrations through the earth, because I don’t want to mow around them, and I haven’t planted mole beans because the plant is poisonous to animals.  I have also not used poison that kills grubs—the mole’s food of choice—because it will also kill the earth worms, which are one of our last lines of defense in our polluted planet.

               According to critter control.com, moles reproduce only once per year—thank God for small favors—bearing three to four young.  They stay with their mothers for one month before striking out on their own excavating exploits.

               Wildlife-damage-management.extension.org, says only three to five moles live on each acre, with two to three being the more common number, and they will move on from your yard once they have depleted the food source there.

               Our mole problem has persisted for a good 18 months, so there must be at least a thousand tons of grub worms under the soil in our front yard, because I haven’t seen any sign of them packing their bags for greener pastures.  Also, if there are only two to three moles at work there, I sure wouldn’t want to meet them on a dark night, because they must be the size of warthogs.

               You can find a multitude of advice online for ridding your yard of moles.  They include, but are not limited to, banana peels, Epsom salts, mothballs, marshmallows, castor oil and Juicy Fruit gum.  According to costhelper.com, professional mole removal costs can go anywhere from $150 to $400.  I’m not sure I’m there yet, but we’ll see what mowing season brings.  When our cat, Dougal, was alive, he kept our place mole-free.  He would dig them out, bite off their heads then leave the bodies on the front porch mat as a trophy.  I used to step on them occasionally when barefoot then unleash a tirade of expletives I hoped my children didn’t hear.  Boy, do I miss that cat now.  I’m hoping Bother and Sister cats will pick up where he left off, if I can hold out that long.

               Last weekend, Garey and my niece decided it would be a good idea to set off smoke bombs in the mole tunnels.  We will need a pickup load to cover all the ground the moles have covered.  Just a heads up, if you drive by our house and see volcanic-size plumes of smoke emanating from our front yard, it’s Garey on mole patrol, although I think it might take an actual volcano to get the little guys to relocate.