Beech Tree News Network

It’s time, once again, for the Big Dummy of the Year Awards.  The Fred Sanford inspired award has four nominees this year.  Why only four, you ask? Well, as per the nomination process, and this is a rather light-hearted award, I’ve decided to lay off the recent Penn State scandal.  Haven’t we all heard enough about that mess?
My four nominees for Big Dummy of the Year are: Charlie Sheen, Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison, Lindsay Lohan, and Anthony Weiner (tie with Golden State Warrior guard Monta Ellis).  Just days ago, Ellis joined Weiner as the second participant in what was called Weiner-gate.  Granted, the Ellis matter is entirely different, but it’s still that inappropriate text that will get you in major trouble. 
Sheen has had a wild year.  He got fired from Two and a Half Men for his very odd behavior and comments about his co-star Jon Cryer and the show’s creator Chuck Lorre.  He got divorced and both goddesses left him.  Reading that back, I understand how crazy that looks.  Sheen recently told Matt Lauer, “I don’t know what happened.  It was just one of those things where the planets were aligned, perfectly or imperfectly.  I said some stuff and it caught traction”. He says he’s more of a family man now than ever before.  However, the “Summer of Sheen” earns him a BDA nomination.  Will he end up “winning”?
Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison earns a nomination for his lethal hits.  When you have you-tube videos showcasing your hits, you know you’re a bit dirty.  I know, I know, “its football”.  His hit list varies from Browns’ Mohamed Massaquoi to Saints QB Drew Brees (he was fined $20,000).  Many felt Ndomakong Suh’s $75,000 fine for a horse-collar tackle was more excessive.  While pulling someone down by the neck is excessive, Harrison’s head-on hits got him in this year. 
Our fourth and final nominee is Lindsay Lohan.  She is a train wreck, plain and simple.   In January, she was charged with grand theft for stealing a necklace, for which she was sentenced.  She was put under house arrest, given 480 hours of community service, failed an alcohol test, violated probation, keeps no-showing at therapy and gets kicked out of the one place she was supposed to be during community service.  Isn’t she a model citizen?
There you have it: Sheen, Lohan, Ellis/Weiner, and Harrison are your nominees for Big Dummy of the Year.  Sheen’s was a summer, not a whole year.  Therefore, he is out.  Ellis is just stupid.  He stays in the running.  Lohan keeps screwing up.  We’re all sick of hearing about her, so obviously she’s a BDA front-runner.  Harrison keeps being dirty.  But hey, it is football. Plus, I hear he is intelligent with some things.  He’s out.  The finals pit Ellis vs. Lohan.  One has no priors (Ellis) while the other has too many priors to mention (Lohan).  Thus, the Big Dummy of the Year for 2011 is….(drumroll) Lindsay Lohan! Congratulations??

Hello, my name is Andy Sullivan. I received my bachelor’s degree in business from Mid-Continent University in May 2009. I began writing for Beech Tree News in July 2009.  I enjoy playing guitar, the occasional Wii game, writing, and listening to music. I write a sports blog that can be found at http://andy-sportshorts.blogspot.com   If you have a comment, feel free to leave it in the space below.