Beech Tree News Network

I wish my iron would stay on.  It won’t, of course.  Yours won’t either, unless it was purchased during the nineties.  Irons now come with a safety switch that turns the appliance off after five minutes of non-use.  And to add insult to injury, the thing constantly beeps to remind you that it is off but still plugged into the outlet.  I have the iron I bought in 1973.  It will stay on and not beep at me, but there is a short in the cord.  I’m seriously considering rewiring it.
    I understand the motivation to protect society at large with things like seat belts, safety goggles, hearing protectors, and warning labels advising us not to ingest rat poison, but I wish they’d leave the small appliances out of it. 
    Speaking of warnings, I particularly enjoy the ones that are either cited or scrolled across the bottom of TV commercials.  I’m especially entertained by the list of side effects chronicled in the drug commercials: May cause headache, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, hallucinations, psychosis, loss of the effect of gravitational pull on your body in the event of abduction by aliens—you’ve heard the whole spiel.  My personal favorites, however, are the disclaimers on the automobile ads.  Almost all of them scroll, “Professional driver, closed course,” across the bottom of the screen, even if the action involves a Chevy Silverado sauntering down a cow path.  I love the ad where the car is jumped onto a moving train, and scrolling across the bottom of the screen are the words, “Cars can’t really jump onto moving trains.”  Oh really?  Try telling that to the stunt doubles for Steven Seagal, Vin Diesel and all the James Bonds.
    But I digress.  I’m really annoyed with my iron.  Just in case I’ve given you the impression that I’m one of those very diligent people who irons everything, I want to set the record straight.  I don’t.  I use my iron primarily when I’m sewing.  For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been working on a Halloween costume for my granddaughter.  It’s a complicated undertaking that requires sewing and pressing and sewing and pressing.
    While I’m sewing, the iron keeps shutting itself off, so when I’m ready to press seams, I have to wait for the iron to reheat.  I figure I’ve lost a good two day’s time just standing around waiting on the iron.  It’s maddening. 
    There’s got to be a better way.  I wish the manufacturers would give us a choice in the matter, like the drug bottle makers do.  You could choose the child proof iron with the timer that shuts itself off after five minutes or you could choose the model with the red arthritis cap that stays on all the time.  This is America, for Pete’s sake!  Shouldn’t we be given a choice?
     According to the NFIRS (National Fire Incident Reporting System) data, the more than 69,000 fires that took place in this country from 2002 through 2009—most current data available—were caused by the following appliances: #1 ranges, #2 dryers, #3 air conditioners, #4 refrigerators, #5 dishwashers.  (Consumer Reports.org)  Irons didn’t even get an honorable mention. 
    Some may argue that irons didn’t make the cut because they have a safety switch.  I think it’s a higher probability that fewer people are using irons because of the annoying beeping and the shut off switch.  A lot of people are like my sister, who throws her wrinkled clothing into a hot dryer rather than put up with the unpredictable iron.  And did you notice which appliance was second on the appliances that cause fires?  Yes, it was the dryer.  I think I have a viable argument for removing the shut off switch on irons.  Maybe I’ll contact Underwriter Laboratories and get them to listen to reason.